Resources

These books are essential for anyone with an anxious or insecure attachment style looking to build confidence and security in love!

If you’ve ever struggled with feeling like you’re never quite good enough, especially in your relationship with your mother, I highly recommend Will I Ever Be Good Enough? by Karyl McBride.

This book was incredibly valuable for me because it helped me understand the deep impact my relationship with my mother had on my self-worth. The author uses a very compassionate approach as she guides you through recognizing the emotional wounds you carry, and then gives you practical steps for healing. It was a great introduction to my healing journey- starting with the biggest wound I (and many others) carry- the “I’m not good enough”  wound.  It was exactly what I needed.

The stories in the book made me feel seen and understood, and it empowered me to start setting healthier boundaries and reclaiming my sense of self.

If you’re looking to break free from the shadows of the past and step into a more authentic, confident version of yourself, this book is a must-read.

If you’re looking to strengthen your relationship and build a deeper connection with your partner, I can’t recommend Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson enough. This book was a game-changer for me because it opened my eyes to how our emotional patterns shape the way we connect—or disconnect—with those we love.

Dr.  Johnson’s approach, based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), really resonated with me. She breaks down the seven key conversations that can help couples move from feeling disconnected and misunderstood to feeling secure and deeply bonded.

What I found so valuable was how the book not only explained the ‘why’ behind our relationship struggles but also gave practical, loving steps to create lasting change. If you’re ready to nurture your relationship and create a safe, loving space for both you and your partner, this book is a must-read.

Anxiously Attached by Jessica Baum is a book that I found incredibly valuable. It gave me deep insights into my own attachment patterns and why I often felt insecure or anxious in my connections with others.

She not only explains the roots of anxious attachment but also offers practical tools for healing and creating healthier, more secure relationships.

What really stood out to me was how she addressed the emotional wounds we carry and how we can start to shift our behaviors and thought patterns toward self-compassion and more fulfilling connections.

This book is my number one go-to recommendation for learning to build an emotional connection with your inner child (which is actually how you learn to build an emotional connection with yourself).

My mom actually picked up this book at a book sale and gave it to me after I poured my heart out to her with the loneliness I was feeling when I was alone. It was the book that changed everything for me!

Healing Your Aloneness by Margaret Paul was incredibly impactful for me because it helped me understand the root of that inner emptiness and how it ties back to self-abandonment. She teaches you how to reconnect with your inner self and nurture the parts of you that have been neglected.

What I found so valuable is how she guides you to take responsibility for your own feelings and start creating a loving, supportive relationship with yourself.

This book gave me the tools to move from feeling alone to feeling whole and secure within myself. It is definitely a must-read!

For many of my clients (myself included), we struggle greatly with the abandonment wound. It’s the core wound of an anxious and fearful avoidant attachment style, and it often is the cause of all that insecurity and anxiety in new relationships.

So, if you’re someone like me who struggles with the fear of abandonment or the constant worry that the people you care about might leave, Love Me, Don’t Leave Me by Michelle Skeen is a book I can’t recommend enough.

It was incredibly valuable for me because it helped me understand the roots of my abandonment fears and how they were impacting my relationships.  Also, it guided me to develop more self-love and self-trust, which made a huge difference in how I relate to others.

This book is full of practical exercises that helped me shift my mindset and start building healthier, more secure connections with others.  If you’re looking to break free from the cycle of fear and create more stable, fulfilling relationships, then definitely check out this book!

This book’s topic is a big one for many anxiously-attached and fearfully-avoidant attachment style folks. It’s centred around romantic relationships that are stuck in a cycle of conflict (the power struggle) or distance (avoidant partners) and how to revive romance and remove negativity from daily interactions. 

This book helped me delve into my unconscious patterns that often would show up in my relationships with avoidant partners, and it would negatively influence those relationships. It helped me recognize how many of our adult behaviours that show up in our adult relationships are shaped by unresolved issues from our childhood.

What I found particularly valuable were the practical exercises included in the book. These exercises helped me understand and have real examples of how to communicate more effectively and understand my partner on a deeper level instead of being critical and judgemental of their reactions during a fight. It taught me that I needed to be more empathetic and curious about what was going on in my partner’s world, because often something was being triggered in them during their automatic and reactive responses.

I highly recommend Getting the Love You Want. It’s not just a book, it’s a toolkit for building the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted… and becoming a more compassionate and understanding partner.

This is a great introductory book on Attachment Styles. It introduced me to the concept of attachment styles and how they influence every aspect of our relationships. Understanding whether you or your partner have a secure, anxious, or avoidant attachment style can be incredibly enlightening, and Attached does a fantastic job of breaking down these concepts in a way that’s easy to understand.

The book offers practical advice tailored to each attachment style.  This helped me not only to better understand myself and my needs in a relationship but also to navigate my partner’s needs with greater empathy and insight. This has made a huge difference in how I approach my relationships, leading to more harmony and satisfaction.

If you’re looking to gain a deeper understanding of your relationship dynamics and want tools to foster a more secure and loving connection, Attached is a must-read.

A big part of our journey as individuals healing from attachment wounds and perhaps a highly sensitive personality and nervous system is learning how to regulate our emotions and nervous system in a way that cultivate safety and groundedness.

I was recommended this book by my therapist and it helped a great deal with understanding my emotions and how to mindfully self-soothe and self-regulate in ways that were practical and effective in the moment.

This workbook provides practical, step-by-step exercises that teach you how to cope with emotional distress in healthier ways. It teaches you tools in mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness, which are invaluable for anyone dealing with overwhelming emotions or challenging situations.

By working through the exercises, I was able to gain better control over my emotions and reactions, which has had a profound impact on my overall well-being and relationships.

If you’re looking for a hands-on guide to help you navigate emotional turbulence and build a more balanced, resilient life, The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook is a must-have. It’s a powerful tool for anyone looking to develop healthier coping mechanisms and improve their mental health.

If you’re looking to deepen your understanding of how relationships work and want to build a more secure, connected partnership, Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin is a book I can’t recommend enough.

This book was a revelation for me because it explains the science behind why we behave the way we do in relationships. Tatkin introduces the concept of the “couple bubble”,  which is a protective boundary that partners create together to foster safety and trust. Understanding this concept was eye-opening and has helped me approach my relationship with a greater sense of intention and care.

The book emphasizes the importance of understanding each other’s nervous systems and how to use that knowledge to support one another. The author shares many powerful and practical strategies to strengthen the bond with your partner.

Wired for Love provides the tools and knowledge to help you and your partner build a secure, fulfilling connection that can withstand the challenges of life. I highly recommend it!