Meet Anita

Anita Hisir is a Certified Professional Coach with close to 10 years of experience in personal transformation. She has become a leader in the areas of self-discovery, self-esteem and self-acceptance for her clients. By using her intuitive guidance and gentle nature, she helps bring out what is stirring in both her client’s minds and hearts. She has helped them break free from feeling stuck or lost to now leading a life rich in clarity, purpose, and most of all, excitement for the unfolding of their own story.

Having recently gone through her own transition from her 20’s to 30’s, Anita understands that both challenge and confusion play a significant role in paving the road to a life you’ll love. Her work pulls from a spectrum of fields in coaching, psychology, and neuroscience to energy and spiritual science. Together, these fields bridge the gap between mind, body and soul while leading towards life-changing transformation.

Anita’s focus is on moving beyond old belief patterns in not feeling good enough, emotional eating, and lack of self-integrity in romantic relationships and relationship with self. She helps her clients gain trust in themselves again and find healthier ways to self-soothe and self-nourish. Anita currently lives in Vancouver, Canada, but you can often find her exploring and living in other parts of the world. She’s an active member of Toastmasters International, and creator and writer of the blog The Heart and Soul Expedition.

Anita’s Story

I believe that life gifts us with a trail of breadcrumbs. Each breadcrumb is a clue as to what we are meant to do here on earth. You can tell when you’ve stumbled upon one of your unique breadcrumbs because you suddenly feel a burst of excitement, curiosity, goosebumps; as if you have stumbled upon a secret that was meant for only you to find.

 The breadcrumbs in my life always pointed in the direction of helping people in an intimate, authentic and heart-felt well. I always had this vision of lifting people up. Actually, for the longest time, I didn’t know what exactly it meant. All I knew was that I wanted to help people believe in themselves again.

When I was a young girl, listening to the cautioning words of my mother who said, “if a stranger ever grabs you and tries to take you away, you stomp on his feet, kick him, hit him and run away!” I remember thinking for a long time about this, that if I were ever kidnapped by a stranger, I wouldn’t want to harm them. I was more concerned about what made this person resort to this life of kidnapping an innocent child instead of living a life of happiness and joy. I was curious about what happened in their childhood that made them into this person.

 

I believe that everyone– “good” or “bad”– comes from love. But along the road of life, things happen that hurt us and change us. We forget that we are love. Through this new lens of pain, we act out, we get angry, we self-sabotage, we hurt people, and we become lost.

Beyond the hurt we put onto others and ourselves, is a cry for acknowledgement and understanding of what we went through and how it hurt us. Rather than our pain being dismissed by those we love, we are comforted, soothed and supported until we can find our bearings again.

 

From this memory of thought came my mission to lift people up; to empower them to believe in themselves because life’s time on the playground is too short. Only when you believe in yourself whole-heartedly and love yourself unconditionally, you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of. I really, really want this for everyone. That’s when what was once a DJ alias turned into a life mission. Inhervision signifies both helping women to look inside herself for answers and to follow confidently and courageously the vision of her life.

Meet Anita

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Dating an individual with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style is not impossible, but it is challenging (especially for an anxious-attacher aka an individual with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style). 

A healthy relationship is possible when both parties understand their own attachment style going into the relationship, are actively working on themselves and can express and communicate their needs in healthy ways to one another.

A healthy relationship is not possible however when either or both persons don't know their attachment style AND are an anxious and avoidant pairing because subconsciously and at a core level, the anxious person is so desperate for love, intimacy and connection while the avoidant is also longing for love and security in a relationship but is so afraid of rejection and pain that they have a great tendency to avoid getting too close altogether.

If an anxious and avoidant are in relationship together ​this is when they begin the push and pull dance of intimacy. This is a rollercoaster of emotions mixed with protest behaviors and insecurities from the anxious-attacher and distancing and dismissing from the avoidant.

If you are an anxious-attacher, know this: we have a tendency to want the relationship to move faster into love and deep feelings in the dating phase than an avoidant would. It's not up to the anxious person to convince, persuade or push the avoidant into loving them faster or to comitting to the relationship sooner.

Even in the very early days in the dating phase of a relationship there's a difference in how an anxious verus an avoidant wishes to connect. Where an anxious person would like to talk to and connect with their dating partner every day, if not throughout the day, the avoidant-attacher would be easily comfortable with every couple of days to few days.

This can set alarm bells off for the anxious-attacher, making them think that this person is no longer into them, or that they're seeing other people. Even though it may not be the case! This is when we begin to push them for more connection; expressing in subtle or overt ways that we feel the connection has changed, that they have changed and we demand to know and understand why.

Unfortunately this reaction does the exact opposite of what we want-- it pushes our partner away.

The more we push, the more they pull away. And so begins the cycle.

What is our role here in an anxious-avoidant relationship if you find yourself in one?

First, ask yourself:

Does this person have the ability and will to work on themselves and their own fears of intimacy?

How can I express my need for closeness and connection in a way that still respects their need for space and time to warm up in the relationship (I'm referring to if these two are in the dating phase)?

Can I provide this space and patience that this person needs to warm up to the relationship and build their feelings in their time (and not mine) while still taking care of my own needs? 

It's very important here to be super clear with yourself on what are and are not willing to tolerate, especially at the beginning of a new relationship. You must first and foremost honor yourself.

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