30 Life Lessons at 30

30 Life Lessons at 30

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Life is full of ups and downs, and in those ups and downs there are many lessons to be had. Some are silly, some are deep, but all of which I live by today. Here are the top lessons I’ve learned from my life.

1. Depression is Your Soul Saying it Needs a Deep Rest.

When you feel you’re stuck at rock bottom and that nothing’s going your way, it’s time to sit still with your soul, recalibrate, and listen for the new directions.

2. Never Settle for Less Than Your Best.

You are deserving and are worthy of what makes you most happy in this world. Don’t waste your time with anything less.

3. You Attract What You Are.

If you are miserable and always complaining you will attract more negativity your way, just as if you are showing up in life with gratitude and a positive perspective more of that will come your way.

4. People Can Feel Your True Intentions, So be Aware of them Yourself.

Ask yourself why am I really doing this? What am I really after here? If it is ill-intentioned, understand what is the driving force and see if there’s a way to shift that ill-intention to something good.

5. You Have all the Answers Within You.

It’s so easy to jump on google and ask, “how can I figure out x?” Instead take the time to build that connection with yourself. Sit still and the first answer that comes to mind is your intuitive response. Listen to that.

6. The hardest goodbyes are the ones you didn’t expect you had to make.

Nothing is forever. No one is forever.

7. Life Seldom Goes According to Your Plan, So Learn to Go With the Flow.

It’s important to have an outline of how to get to your destination, but so often we will want to take the scenic route, or we get a flat tire, or there’s a road closure, and we have to find another way. What’s important is that we get there.

8. When You Feel Discomfort, it Means You’re Stretching.

Growing isn’t ever fun in the moment, it’s only when you can look back and say “ah! That’s when I learned that.”

9. Your gut intuition knows best.

Research even shows this. The best decisions are swiftly made and can be done best with that first instinct.

10. Always Look For the Silver Lining.

With every downside, there’s an upside.

11. Think Before You Speak.

Once it’s said, you can never unsay it.

12. Trust the Process.

There will be times when you’re feeling so confused and so uncertain if you’re making the right decisions, just trust that it’s all a part of you getting to your destination. You’ll be able to see that once you’re able to look back.

13. Giving Someone 100% of Your Ears, Eyes and Heart is the Ultimate Gift.

What a rare thing it is to give someone your full attention. There’s so much to be distracted by these days, it’s a rare gift to have someone see and acknowledge you fully and completely.

14. Embrace Uncertainty– Be Curious Instead of Controlling.

There’s a fear of the unknown, and from that fear people try regain control by trying to controlling the situation. Instead, invite curiosity in and simply be curious as to what will happen with your influence out of it. Simply observe and enjoy the show.

15. Everyone Likes to Feel Appreciated and Acknowledged.

Like listening, having someone out of the blue give you a compliment on something you are doing well lately is such a rare gift but it’s one of the most powerful as it can change the direction of someone’s day.

16. Quit Your Job Often and Go Travel the World.

Life’s too short. Don’t spend the best years of your life making money for someone else. Spend your time making experiences.

17. Make Friends With That Little Voice in Your Head.

No matter how hard you try to change your thoughts, you’re only human. Instead of resisting, simply accept. Honor that inner critic for the wisdom it has and the safety it’s trying to maintain for you.

18. Don’t Scuff at Another Person’s Mishap, Learn to Understand Why It’s Happening.

We are so easy to judge and to ridicule without knowing the situation of that person’s life. Yes, we all have challenges, but be kind to one another and mindful that it just might not be their day.

19. Make Your Bed Every Morning.

What a great feeling I get when I walk into my bedroom and I see my bed made. It makes me feel on track with my day!

20. There’s Value in Being a Work-in-Progress

You are amidst the challenge and breakthrough; where the insight and solution are the freshest to share with others. Don’t underestimate that.

21. Work Hard, Play Harder.

Nothing feels better than deserving an evening of fun when you’ve been productive during the day.

22. Don’t Be Afraid to Get Lost.

Allow a little adventure into your life. In this magic space where no plans exist something or someone you didn’t expect can walk into your life and change the complete course of its direction. Pretty exciting, don’t you think?

23. Make exercise and meal prep a priority.

When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you look good.

24. Compliment Yourself in the Mirror Every Morning and Night.

The best compliments are those that can come from your honest self.

25. It is the Space Between our Thoughts Where the Magic Is.

Whether it’s in meditation, reading between the lines in a conversation with someone important… there’s a whole other world of insight in that. Pay attention.

26. Always Look Your Best Because You Never Know Who You’ll Meet.

Always. Unless you’re at home in your pajamas.

27. Surround Yourself with People Who Show You How Awesome You Are.

Yes. Especially when you’re having a down and doubtful day.

28. Learn to Pray and Ask For Help.

It’s the act of surrendering to something greater that puts your ego aside and creates space for the thing you are looking for.

29. Smile at Each Person You Pass.

That may be all that person needed today, was for someone to acknowledge them and give them a sliver of hope.

30. Cutting Corners Only Brings You Half the Distance.

My personal favorite, as this lesson shows up time and time again in my life. Stay on course, do not veer off! What you learn in 10 years cannot be learned if you double up on the homework, it takes time for things to click in your mind.

I’d love to hear what big lessons or insights you’ve learned along your journey so far. Sharing is a big part of instilling those lessons, so please write a comment below.

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30 Life Lessons at 30

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Dating an individual with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style is not impossible, but it is challenging (especially for an anxious-attacher aka an individual with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style). 

A healthy relationship is possible when both parties understand their own attachment style going into the relationship, are actively working on themselves and can express and communicate their needs in healthy ways to one another.

A healthy relationship is not possible however when either or both persons don't know their attachment style AND are an anxious and avoidant pairing because subconsciously and at a core level, the anxious person is so desperate for love, intimacy and connection while the avoidant is also longing for love and security in a relationship but is so afraid of rejection and pain that they have a great tendency to avoid getting too close altogether.

If an anxious and avoidant are in relationship together ​this is when they begin the push and pull dance of intimacy. This is a rollercoaster of emotions mixed with protest behaviors and insecurities from the anxious-attacher and distancing and dismissing from the avoidant.

If you are an anxious-attacher, know this: we have a tendency to want the relationship to move faster into love and deep feelings in the dating phase than an avoidant would. It's not up to the anxious person to convince, persuade or push the avoidant into loving them faster or to comitting to the relationship sooner.

Even in the very early days in the dating phase of a relationship there's a difference in how an anxious verus an avoidant wishes to connect. Where an anxious person would like to talk to and connect with their dating partner every day, if not throughout the day, the avoidant-attacher would be easily comfortable with every couple of days to few days.

This can set alarm bells off for the anxious-attacher, making them think that this person is no longer into them, or that they're seeing other people. Even though it may not be the case! This is when we begin to push them for more connection; expressing in subtle or overt ways that we feel the connection has changed, that they have changed and we demand to know and understand why.

Unfortunately this reaction does the exact opposite of what we want-- it pushes our partner away.

The more we push, the more they pull away. And so begins the cycle.

What is our role here in an anxious-avoidant relationship if you find yourself in one?

First, ask yourself:

Does this person have the ability and will to work on themselves and their own fears of intimacy?

How can I express my need for closeness and connection in a way that still respects their need for space and time to warm up in the relationship (I'm referring to if these two are in the dating phase)?

Can I provide this space and patience that this person needs to warm up to the relationship and build their feelings in their time (and not mine) while still taking care of my own needs? 

It's very important here to be super clear with yourself on what are and are not willing to tolerate, especially at the beginning of a new relationship. You must first and foremost honor yourself.

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Get the first recording of the Fierce & Feminine Series for free! This will also give you access to monthly inspiration on how to lead your life Fiercely Feminine.

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