Today’s message is for those who somehow never felt “good enough”.

All those subtle comments you received over the years just tore you apart, making you feel so small. So inadequate. So wrong. 

Yes, I’m specifically focusing on the Mother Wound. Why? Because it’s a big and complex one and I imagine a lot of you can relate to it. I know almost all my clients do, too. It’s something a few of us have been working through in our sessions these past few weeks. So it feels timely to speak about this.

Because usually when you grew up with messages from mom that you aren’t good enough, that you somehow always mess things up, or that it’s always your fault, that you’re wrong… you somehow get into this sick and twisted dynamic of doing anything you can to gain back her love and approval. Because without her love and approval, it felt like you could not exist.

Often, we just don’t understand why they’re so against us, against our way, our reasons, our decisions. All we want is for them to get us.

If you consistently didn’t feel “good enough” for a parent, or a sibling, family member, friend/friendship group, teacher or instructor, these experiences planted the seeds of self-doubt and insecurity in you and your worth.

And so, you adopted this specific behavior that you knew was what mom wanted from you. It usually looked something like being her left hand, being her helper, the obedient one, the good-girl, the “less than” and “obeyer” in some sense, to her.

So essentially, feeling inadequate or less than drives you to perform for others in exchange for their validation and approval. 

It’s exactly this: being in this constant state of pleasing and performing that trains our survival mode to be set “ON” at all times. And when you are in a state of survival (I need their validation to feel okay to live) and equally have a fear of confrontation or rejection, it keeps us in a perpetual cycle of being on alert and in performing mode all the time.

We have become so used to being in this state of stress and performance, that we don’t know how to actually rest and relax… and be ourselves.

We can take it a step further. Look at the current state of the world right now. War, hate, crime, divide, systems crashing that once lead us and took care of us. It all feels at it’s worst.

If you’re someone who’s sensitive to the stuff that’s happening around in the world right now, you most likely are taking on further emotional stress from knowing what’s all happening in the background.

I found this is what was happening for me. My spirit was becoming a bit depressed with the state of everything. And even though I know we are going through a big shift in humanity right now, it still doesn’t make moving through it any easier.

By this point alone shows you how revved up your nervous system has become with all the stress. 

This is why starting some sort of daily centering practice is a transformative tool you can learn to work with stress, anxiety and insecure thinking.

Centering is all about feeling balanced in your mind and body. It’s about bringing all that frazzled and divided energy surrounding you back to you. It’s about finding that spot or space within you- this place of inner stillness . This space can be created and cultivated within you by practising centering.

We can use this practice of re-centering as a tool to come back to an inner place of “okayness” when we’re not feeling “all here”, or overwhelmed and disconnected from ourselves in some way. When we do something to center ourselves, we help calm down our feelings.

But first you have to recognize when you might not be fully centered and grounded in your energy.

I watch for these most prominent signs and symptoms to know I’m disconnected from my center:

• I can’t focus on an idea or concentrate on my work
• I’m constantly multi-tasking 
• I feel nervy or anxious or overwhelmed
• Can’t stay present in what I am working on
• I can’t make a decision
• Feeling pressured makes me feel even more overwhelmed
• I’m breathing faster
• Restlessness
• I start to feel down, frustrated and stuck. That’s when I know I’m subconsciously putting myself down instead of thinking rationally and clearly

There are a couple of ways you can do that:

1. Consciously focusing on your breath and diaphragm as you inhale and exhale for a few minutes.
2. A Guided full-body somatic scan meditation
3. A guided relaxation meditation
4. Lying on your bed, free of distractions, in silence for 10 minutes, giving yourself a rest.